This article is a guest article by Jake Kastleman. Jake is a creator of online courses for pornography addiction recovery. These courses help individuals reshape their thought patterns & beliefs and more deeply connect with God. Through spiritual and mental teachings, Jake helps his online students transform their perceptions so they naturally lose their desire for addiction.
Hi, I’m Jake Kastleman. I suffered with porn addiction for 10 years. I can tell you from first-hand experience that porn isn’t a harmless pastime, a silly crutch, or simply an outlet for “manly urges.” Porn takes everything from you. It promises much and leaves little. It alters the mind so deviously you wind up a shadow of what you once were.
Because of my porn addiction, I suffered with anxiety, depression, and constant anger. Porn altered my brain, making me extremely prone to impulsivity and unwise choices. It caused me to be unable to form deep relationships and to feel incapable of genuine empathy.
Porn caused me to see the opposite sex as mere objects of addiction, rather than as whole human beings; a reality that I was often very depressed by and felt hopeless to change. I also felt if anyone knew about my addiction they would reject me and see me as unworthy of love, or even consider me evil.
Porn stole my life from me, and I didn’t know how to get it back.
If you’re reading this right now, I’m willing to bet your life has been damaged by porn in some way; whether through your own experience, or that of a loved one. Since the invention of the internet, there is no corner of the world that porn has not penetrated. There is no suburban home it has not threatened to compromise. It has become such a pervasive problem that many have started to ignore its reality entirely, as they simply are at a loss for what to do. It is the clear and present danger that many of us ignore.
But here’s the thing that we need to understand about addiction if we want to beat it. That is, that addiction is only a symptom.
We do not become addicted because we are bad, lazy, or unwilling to change. It’s not even because we are lustful or desire pleasure. None of these has anything to do with addiction.
If we want to know how to overcome addiction, we must change the way we see it as a whole, so we can better help ourselves or others. We cannot see addiction simply as a physical ailment or neurochemical problem. It is far more than that. Once we see it for what it is, we feel empowered and can approach it from a better frame of reference.
I’d like to share with you what I call the The Addiction/Fear Cycle, which describes where addiction comes from in a way you may not have heard before. There are 4 steps in this cycle.
First, there is mental and emotional pain. This pain comes from the fear and guilt we feel in daily life, or during particularly trying circumstances. Most of us do not realize that we feel this fear and guilt, as it is often hidden from our conscious view. This mental and emotional pain also comes from a fundamental belief that our self-worth is conditional. We base our self-worth on conditions such as our possessions, status, strengths, weaknesses, attributes, choices, etc. We all suffer with fear and a perceived lack of self-worth to some degree during the course of our lives. This is called being human.
Second, there is a building of this fear, guilt, and perceived lack of self-worth over time. Due to a lack of close relationships or difficult circumstances these mental and emotional pains become unmanageable.
Third, our mind begins to crave. It develops attachments to things of the world to cope with the growing mental and emotional pain.
Fourth, addiction is formed. Worldly attachments are pursued again and again as a way to escape pain. The mind believes these attachments will give us the peace we are looking for. All the while, there is underlying fear, guilt, and a perceived lack of self-worth underneath the surface that have not been addressed. Until these negative perceptions are addressed the addiction will persist.
Overcoming addiction is not about stopping the behavior. Instead, it is about digging deep into the underlying thought patterns and beliefs that led to the addiction in the first place, and then uprooting them. It is about undoing fears and redefining self-worth, transforming our perspective from one of conditional to unconditional self-worth; from a perceived unworthiness to worthiness.
Breaking free of porn does not require complex behavioral strategies or willpower. Instead, when we begin to unravel the errors within the mind that led to addiction, and learn to connect deeply with God, then the behavior will naturally stop over time. This is what I teach my students to do in my No More Desire™ Porn Addiction Recovery Course.
After earning my Degree in Psychology, working with addicts one-one-one, and 8 years of sobriety, I’ve come to understand that recovery must be approached from its core. That core is internal belief, perception of self-worth, and connection with God and others. Get these right and the rest follows.
I show students how to reshape their thought patterns and connect with God through lessons, reflections, and guided prayers/meditations that incorporate teachings from psychology and Eastern & Western Faiths. After working my program, students not only learn how to stop porn addiction, but to overcome other mental/emotional suffering and unwanted habits using the same teachings.
The New Year is a time of new beginnings. I’m holding a free LIVE Porn Addiction Recovery Masterclass on Thursday, January 12th, where I’ll teach you or a loved one how to overcome porn addiction. It’s free and anonymous. To sign up for my free Recovery Masterclass, click here. I’d love to see you there. God bless.
To learn more about my 5-month Porn Addiction Recovery program, go to: https://www.becomeagoodman.com/no-more-desire-course
To sign up for my free LIVE Porn Addiction Recovery Masterclass coming January 12th, go to: https://www.becomeagoodman.com/masterclass
To explore my guided prayer/meditation courses that help with mental health, go to: https://www.becomeagoodman.com/meditations
To download my free ebook & audiobook with 3 simple techniques to curb porn cravings, go to: https://www.becomeagoodman.com/free-ebook